DEAR DAWG: One of our assistant principals is going through therapy to deal with some personal issues. We would not normally know about such a thing, but it came up after our opening in-service. The A.P. was supposed to inform the rest of the staff of changes in the student handbook. Well, he was totally unprepared and acknowledged it. When the principal confronted him, he told her that his therapist had instructed him to “let down someone important to you. Experience failure in an important area of your life.”

Later, the A.P. showed up at a school board meeting wearing torn cut-off jeans and a dirty t-shirt promoting a ZZ Top tour in 1982. It looked like the shirt had not seen the spin cycle since then. We learned that his therapeutic assignment that week was to “flout the norms of your subculture. Experience unconventionality.”

Last week in a student assembly the man was supposed to present the principal with a birthday greeting and cake from the entire staff. Instead, he gave her a little statute of the hindquarters of a horse with the inscription: “Remind you of someone?” He announced that the statue reminded him of the principal. Our man claims he is simply following the therapist’s directives. This week’s assignment was to “defy someone in a position of authority. Experience rebellion.”

Dawg, the man may be scaling the heights of transcendent perfection, but we earthbound slugs are a little tired of this act. What can we do? THERAPEUTICALLY FRUSTRATED.
DEAR T.F.: Perhaps you should let him “feel unemployment. Experience poverty and anxiety.” Therapeutic advice is no excuse for a failure to perform as required by the employer.

DAWG BONE: YOU HAVE TO DO THE JOB, EVEN WHILE IN THERAPY