Dear Dawg: Can I hand out condoms as I run for Homecoming Queen?

Dear Dawg: I’m a junior in high school. It has always been the tradition that the kids running for King and Queen of Homecoming hand out candy to the kids who are about to vote. It’s no big deal. It’s been going on for years. So this year my boyfriend and I decided to run for King and Queen. We are both way cute and POPULAR to the MAX! And we decided that we would not hand out candy, which causes tooth decay and contributes to obesity. We would hand out a product that promotes safety, health and responsible population growth. Condoms! We even got corporate sponsorship for this campaign since our school is known as the Home of the Fighting Trojans!

Well. You would have thought the world was coming to an end. The PTA called a special meeting to discuss “the decline in morality among our young people.” The school board lowered the superintendent’s evaluation rating, noting his lack of oversight. The leader of the local Tea Party said that “this kind of shameful behavior is a direct result of Obamacare.”

But the worst thing was that the principal told us we could not be Trojan King and Queen! He told us we had violated school rules. Dawg, we won the election in a landslide! And I think the condoms had a lot to do with that. What’s the deal? I know that what they did is not fair. But is it legal? There is nothing in our Code of Conduct that says you cannot distribute prophylactic devices. Just doesn’t say that at all!! WANTED TO BE HELEN OF TROY. ALAS.

DEAR WANTED TO BE: We give you points for creativity, but as far as legalities, we think the principal did the right thing. Schools in Texas are prohibited by law from distributing condoms “In connection with instruction relating to human sexuality.” T.E.C. 28.004(f). We think your principal was wise to prohibit the distribution outside of the classroom as well. Principals have a great deal of discretion in dealing with honorary offices like Homecoming King and Queen. We are sorry that your hopes have been dashed, but if you read about your role model, Helen of Troy, you will see that she overcame many obstacles before her face launched a single ship. Best of luck!