DEAR DAWG: Snort, here. Rip Snort. Intrepid Reporter. Friend of the Truth. Dawg, here in Peaceful Falls, a quiet, quintessentially Texan community we are embroiled in a simmering controversy. Hard hitting investigative reporting has revealed that the school district provides jock straps for the boys in the athletic program, but no sports bras for the girls. The Peaceful Falls Ladies Sewing Circle and Terrorist Society has organized a march on the school administration building. Ladies are being encouraged to brandish a brassiere as a symbol of the cause. There is an equally strong counter movement headquartered at the local domino parlor where an ad hoc group has formed The Society for the Preservation of Male Genitalia. This group claims that this latest quest for “equality” is yet another thinly veiled attack on masculinity. The district claims that no district funds are involved—that all the money for the jocks comes from the Athletic Supporters organization, which does seem appropriate, when you think about it. What to do, Dawg? SNORT.
DEAR SNORT: You may have a Title IX problem here, Snort. But you definitely have the makings of a made for TV movie. We can see Jane Fonda leading the charge for the ladies, with Russell Crowe defending male genitalia. Other than that, we’ve got nothing to say about this one.
DAWG BONE: THE DAWG FAVORS EQUAL PROTECTION OF ALL SENSITIVE BODY PARTS
TOMORROW: SUPERINTENDENT WINS GRAND PRIZE!