Seen any good lawyer billboards lately?

I have a Commissioner’s decision to tell you about today, but first a bit of a rant along with a request for feedback. I often drive by a large billboard advertising “The Lawyer That Works!” Does the use of the singular (i.e. “The” Lawyer) not imply that none of the other lawyers work? I go to work every day with an entire firm of lawyers who work hard. The guy is not the only lawyer who works. Furthermore, the claim to be a working lawyer is sort of a minimalist brag, isn’t it? So he works. So what? Does he work hard? Well? Daily? Effectively?

There is another billboard I often see touting “The Lawyer That Rocks.” The guy has a scraggly beard and long locs. I’m glad to see such diversity of personal appearance in our profession. The old stereotype of the uptight lawyer in the three-piece suit is long outdated.

But my primary objection to both billboards is the grammar. Note: “The Lawyer THAT…” Shouldn’t that be “The Lawyer WHO….”?

I don’t think you should hire a lawyer who shows off his poor grammatical skills on a large billboard for all to see.

Then I got to thinking what verb I would use if I were to put up such a billboard: The Lawyer Who ????

This is where I need your feedback. I’m thinking of going with THE LAWYER WHO NAPS.

How does that sound? I have been a napper for a long time, and I think the brief power nap in mid-afternoon is conducive to productivity and a healthy work-life balance. Moreover, it’s grammatically correct. I expect that clients—at least the higher grade of clients—would appreciate that.

Now as to the Commissioner’s case for today, it’s yet another one where the petitioner, an unnamed parent in the North East ISD, was seeking relief that is not available via an appeal to the Commissioner. The parent wanted the Commissioner to straighten the district out with regard to its grievance process. The parent wanted an audit to be done. The parent wanted reprimands to be issued. You can’t get any of that by filing an appeal under T.E.C. 7.057.

It's Parent v. North East ISD, Docket No. 023-R10-003-2022, decided by Commissioner Morath on September 15, 2022.


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Tomorrow: a week in Lubbock as a teacher’s aide