DEAR DAWG: I guess I owe this to the creative students at the University of Texas who are protesting the new "campus carry" laws. They plan to display dildos (dildoes?) on their backpacks as a protest.  According to the Facebook page set up in support of this event, students are being asked to strap "gigantic swinging dildos" to their backpacks.  The organizer claims that these sex toys will be "just about as effective at protecting us from sociopathic shooters, but much safer for recreational use."

Somehow, I doubt that this protest movement will make its way to Baylor.

But it has come to our high school. We have a student organization called Bevo Wannabes--kids who are aiming for the top 7% so they can get into UT Austin. They got wind of this plan and thought if this is what the cool kids are doing at Hook Em Horns U, then they should get into the action.

So I am told that next Monday some of our students will be engaging in "open carry" of plastic phalluses (phalli?). I talked to the leader of the group, a smart girl who plans to be a lawyer. I got this response by email:

SUBSTANTIVELY, THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLACK ARMBAND WORN TO PROTEST THE WAR IN VIETNAM AND A 12-INCH DILDO SWINGING FROM MY BACKPACK TO PROTEST OUR "OPEN CARRY" LAWS. WE WILL BE PEACEFUL, QUIET AND NON-DISRUPTIVE.  I'M SURE YOU ARE AWARE OF THE SUPREME COURT'S LANDMARK RULING IN TINKER v. DES MOINES.  ANY INTERFERENCE WITH OUR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS WILL LEAD TO LITIGATION.

So my question: what's the difference between an armband and a dildo? NEED HELP HERE.

DEAR NEED HELP:

Hmmm. Interesting situation you have there, and that girl shows a lot of promise as a lawyer.  But there are differences.  We doubt that your Code of Conduct explicitly prohibits the open display of sex toys.  Until now, you probably thought such a statement was unnecessary.  But here we are.  Even though your Code probably doesn't specifically use words like “sex toys” or, God forbid, “dildos,” it probably has some more general language about the display of items likely to cause disruption.  The open display of a fake sex organ, especially an oversized one, might even be seen as creating a hostile environment for students, particularly those who have never seen such a thing and don't know what possible uses it might have.  We think you can tell these kids not to do this.  Call us Old School if you will, but we think that Mary Beth Tinker her own self would probably say.....no. That's really not OK.

The fact that UT will probably allow this has no bearing.  What they do at “Sodom and Gomorrah on the Colorado” has no relevance here.

DAWG BONE: WE ARE AT A LOSS FOR WORDS ON TODAY’S DAWG BONE.