Dear Dawg: When I was a senior in high school I replaced the FMLA notice that was in the teachers’ lounge with another one. It looked the same, but if you read it carefully, you would find some interesting provisions. Now that I’m in law school, I got curious to know if it was still there. So last week I stopped by my old high school to visit one of my favorite teachers. While there, I bopped into that teachers’ lounge and was amazed to see that my fake poster was still up there. Here are some of the things I put into the poster:
IF YOU GET PREGNANT, YOU BETTER START LOOKING FOR ANOTHER JOB.
YOU GET FMLA LEAVE FOR A “SERIOUS” ILLNESS IN THE FAMILY, BUT “SERIOUS” DEPENDS ON WHERE YOU RESIDE ON THE FOOD CHAIN AROUND HERE. CENTRAL OFFICE ADMINISTRATORS GET FMLA FOR A COMMON COLD.
CUSTODIANS MUST PRESENT A NOTARIZED AFFIDAVIT FROM A DOCTOR INDICATING THAT A SLOW AND AGONIZING DEATH IS CERTAIN WITHIN THE NEXT TWO WEEKS.
DON’T BE ASKING FOR LEAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THAT LIVE-IN “FRIEND.” WE WANT PROOF OF MARRIAGE.
OUR POLICY IS TO GRANT FMLA LEAVE GRUDGINGLY WHEN THE LAW REQUIRES THAT WE DO SO. DON’T EXPECT US TO BE HAPPY ABOUT IT, OR TO SEND A CARD TO YOUR AILING RELATIVE.
Dawg, I put this poster up six years ago! It is now coffee stained with cracks in the laminated cover, but it’s still there. Just thought someone should know! CAN’T WAIT TO GET OUT OF LAW SCHOOL!
DEAR CAN’T WAIT: Wow. This is a senior prank that demonstrates creativity, savvy and a wicked sense of humor. We hope that the district will soon discover the fake and replace it. In the meantime, they may be vulnerable to allegations that they failed to notify employees of their rights.
DAWG BONE: MAYBE WE SHOULD READ THOSE POSTERS FROM TIME TO TIME!