Dear Dawg: I like reptiles just as much as the next fellow, I suppose, but I'm just not so sure about a lizard in the classroom.  I mean a loose lizard--not one in the cage for the kids to study.  We have a dad who insists that his daughter should be able to bring Lucy the Lizard to class.  Lucy, we are told, will be on a leash and will sit on the little girl's shoulder all day.  Doesn't eat much, Lucy, and we are told she is housebroken. No lizard poop to clean up. The dad insists that Lucy will be no trouble, and she will have a "salutary effect" (his words, not mine) on his daughter's "somewhat tempestuous disposition" (his words, not mine).

Two questions, Dawg.  Do we have to do this? What does "salutary" mean? Sounds like "saliva" to me. DON'T WANT ANY LIZARD SPIT AROUND HERE.

DEAR DON'T WANT ANY:

Housebroken or not, on a leash or loose, spitting or not...makes no difference.  A lizard is not a service animal. First of all, a service animal has to be a dog (or dawg) or a miniature horse. Secondly, a service animal has to "do work" to help the person with a disability.  Lucy may be of comfort, but that is not "work." Just ask this dad what kind of "work" this prehistoric, small brained creature can do. Sheesh.

DAWG BONE: A LIZARD IS NOT A SERVICE ANIMAL.